Time for an update blog. Whew wee, what a ride. If you would have asked me 5 years ago if I thought I would ever be homeless, jobless I would I would have laughed. I was certain that life would go pretty smooth, pretty much the way I had you know, planned. Ahhh life, certainly uncertain.
This last year has been, depending on one’s point of view, difficult, or embarrassing, or “out of the box” or not what one would choose, or not something one would share, or not the norm, or whatever. What was once unclear is becoming a little less blurry.
Living in the basement is not what people would choose to do. Community is what people talk about. When your house sells without it being on the market, when friends offer their basement to live in without asking, it seems that God is saying something. What is community? What does it mean to have community, to share meals, to share things, to share space, to interact on a daily basis with people that are not your family? That is community. (for another blog)
Nevertheless, uncertainty is something I didn’t choose. Where am I going, what am I going to do? Does God have a plan? How long does it take to know? What must I do to make it happen? Is it up to me to make it happen? Oh my, the questions could go on forever. That is exactly the point. I worked several 10 dollars an hour jobs, I drove Uber, I searched every job board, sent in hundreds of resumes, wondered out loud, quietly, prayed, and prayed and prayed. Of course, so many people, friends didn’t know what to say. I dare say some would think I deserved this uncertainty.
The bottom line, I now embrace the uncertainty because I had to let everything go. Everything. I started preaching at Fields of Grace Worship Center in Covington and that turned into an interim that turned into a longer interim. Mom and Dad will be moving to a new place due to some issues and Marcie and I will be moving into their condo. Who would have thought any of this? I never would have planned it. I never could have strategized this; I never could have imagined. If God has a plan, when is it his plan? Only when it makes sense? If God loves me and has a purpose in my life, is it true only when it happens instantly? Or the way I want it? If God knows everything about me, He must have known that I could handle all of this uncertainty.
Ahhhhhh I have come to a really weird place in my life. I can actually empathize with those that ask the above questions. I can actually speak about the days in the desert that actually lead to heart wrenching, worry, angst, that turns into “I trust you.” Do I get it? Not completely. I do trust the Lord in a new way. It may not look like everyone else’s life or journey, I never wanted my life to look and keep up with others.
So, new blog, and it’s all really new. I am enjoying thoroughly preaching again and working with some great people. I am enjoying the “what’s next, the here we go, the what in the world is going on?” Because, I know that this uncertainty has led to a much different kind of trust for me, a faith that still wavers, but believes that there is a plan and it is happening.
I have wondered often if the “Plan” is based on a thousand of my upbringing pithy sayings, but God is doing something and I no longer believe that it’s a direct relationship to my humanness. I do believe it is based on His divine inter working in me and all around me and those in my life.
I am grateful for Fields of Grace, I am grateful for my new time studying at Fuller Seminary, I am grateful of course for Marcie, and Glenn and Debbie Priest that invited us into their lives. I am grateful for God’s continued grace and all that He continues to give, His love, His being ever present.
Certainty? I actually believe in uncertainty… in a new way.
Check out this song